- I can predict what will happen in a movie with astonishing accuracy. I can tell that a character is about to find out she has cancer because she isn’t wearing any eyeliner. Furthermore, I know whether her husband is going to be supportive or cheat on her by the style of shoes his secretary is wearing. We could chalk this up to an amazingly well-developed attention to detail, but in reality, I probably just watch way too much television.
- I eat faster than anyone you’ve ever met. There. I just ate an entire bowl of Chocolate Chex cereal while you were reading that. So far, this hasn’t turned out to be much of a benefit, but someday, should food stores become scarce, I’ll be packing in about three calories to every one you manage to consume. As it stands, you probably don’t want to share a tub of popcorn with me. Consider yourself warned.
- I am an excellent bargain shopper. Seriously. I am awesome. This outfit? $5.99 and that includes the shoes. I feed this family of seven, purchase all of our cleaning and household supplies on about $120 dollars a week. And it’s the CAT that keeps me from getting that number down any lower. Curse his stupid tendency to get bladder infections if he doesn’t get the GOOD wet cat food! $1 or more a can?!! ARGH! You’re killing me, smalls!
Okay, so I won’t be curing cancer or winning a Tony award anytime soon, but I’ll always get the lion’s share of pizza slices or birthday cake…