I’m so excited, in a completely dorky way. Yesterday I managed to pass down a bit of wisdom to my son. To convey to him a skill that I have worked on for years, honed through exhaustive practice and perfected through the bitter tears of experience.

Yesterday, I taught him to shop online.

You laugh, but only because to do not realize how very, very awesome I am at that task. If the Miss America Pageant had an online shopping category, Mario Lopez would be crowning my triumphant, yet elderly and chunky self while willowy spokesperson wannabes wept copious, mascara tears in the background. I’m that good.


Eldest Son has expensive tastes. I could find him the most perfect and coveted teen dream item of clothing with the tags still on it, but if it happened, lord forbid, to come from a thrift store? Fuggetaboutit. I’m going to have to start keeping a stash of department store bags and receipts in the car. Just fold up those Goodwill jeans and tuck them in the “legitimate” bags. Deceptive? Sure. But he can’t have these champagne tastes on our Skittles budget.

Skittles. Ha! That’s funny. We can’t afford Skittles.

No rainbow for you!

Luckily, the boy is also very pragmatic. He needs cash? He goes out and earns it. He and a friend spent the weekend knocking on doors to drum up a little yard raking business. They raked our neighbor’s house and were plied with soda, leftover Halloween candy and then paid triple their fee.

I’m thinking about getting into the yard raking business, myself.

Funny thing, though, he’s ever so much more careful with his funds than say, mine. Mine are apparently as plentiful as blades of grass and require no more consideration. His? Well, his stash of green is precious and any expenditures must be carefully considered and prudently acted.

You know what? Good. Half the battle of having money is saving money, so this is a good impulse on his part. He had in mind a certain pair of jeans, specific in hue and cut, the possession of which would no doubt catapult him to the highest echelon of middle school society. The material of these jeans must be spun from the finest webs of Amazonian spiders, to judge from the cost, but never fear! I am so darned skilled that not only did I find said jeans at far less than half the original price, but I found an online coupon that more than paid for shipping and netted him a free tee shirt in the bargain.

You know, Eldest Son hasn’t looked at me with such pride in years.

There she is……Miss Amerrrrrrica……

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The Rise & Fall of a Momocracy

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