December 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
This is a tough one…I don’t feel that I’m particularly wise. I believe that I’ve made a lot of smart decisions, but that’s not really the same thing, is it? A smart decision is remembering to change the oil and fill up the gas tank in your car before a big trip…a wise decision means knowing, perhaps, that five kids smooched together in a minivan driving cross-country might not be the dream vacation you are looking for. Especially if they are all, you know, touching each other.
And wisdom requires calm. Sadly, I have precious little inner peace. Most decisions cause my inner child to throw a tremendous tantrum, mainly because I’m just so tired of being the grown up. If life were a giant Super Target,
a) that would be awesome because I could get new shoes, a Starbucks skinny latte and a shiny bike any time I wanted to and;
b) moms would be the red smocked employees whose job it is to respond to the “Clean up on aisle Nine” P.A. announcement.
Situations arise, demanding yet more actions on my part and on the outside I look all mature and mother-like, but inside I am stomping my feet and screaming “shut up, shut up, shut UP!” Not a great chance of hearing the silent whisper of truth, there.
Sometimes though, I manage to make some really great decisions. All the truly game-changing, earth shattering decisions were no-brainers to me. I’m not sure these qualified as wisdom, either. I just had a lack of my normal, hand-wringing anxiety and made near instantaneous decisions. Moving in with my boyfriend, getting married, having kids all happened without the slightest bit of hesitation or debate on my part. It was all very “What the heck.” Get married? What the heck. Have kids? Meh. What the heck.
Until halfway through our marriage, hubby was completely unaware of this. We were in the process of adopting our three littlest kids from Ethiopia, in the midst of yet another interview with the social worker, when somehow it came out that I hadn’t really thought much about these life changes. Hubby looked at me, shocked. He’d been under the impression that my certainty in these situations was borne from deep internal debate, a careful weighing of the pros and cons and, yes, wisdom.
“Babe. Up here?” I said, pointing at my brain, “White noise.”
In retrospect, I shouldn’t have told him. He immediately froze the adoption process for three months, since he no longer felt comforted by my “What’s the worst that could happen?” attitude. My cover was needlessly blown. I had no idea that he put such faith in my decisions, anyways. Oh, the power I could have had! See? A WISE woman would have kept her big mouth shut. Dang it.