In my defense, I didn’t know that snark was a communicable disease.

See, our oldest son has been driving Hubby crazy lately, due to his tendency to answer any and all spoken statements with a smart-aleck comeback.  Exasperated with the non-stop barrage of one-liners and sarcastic comments, Hubby looked at me, raised a frustrated eyebrow and growled, “He gets it from you, you know.”

Moi?

Sure, I can sometimes be the teensiest bit sarcastic. And, sure, when it came to envisioning what sort of mom I might become, I was never the least bit tempted to emulate Carol Brady or Olivia Walton, but I definitely wanted to be Roseanne. And, yes, when Miss Teen Wonder sent roughly forty seven thousand texts reminding me to go online and get her a pair of Mika tickets because, THEY GO ON SALE AT NOON, for the love of god, and he is absolutely the dreamiest bit of floppy-haired pop star around, I might have responded by texting back thusly:

Sold out 🙁

Geez. You would think she’d never met me. My assurances that I had, in fact, secured the coveted tickets ( “JK. OMG. Srsly.”) did not smooth the waters and she maintained a stubborn radio silence for hours. When I finally convinced her that I was really, really sorry she broke down and asked, “So, how much do I owe you?”

You’d think I would have learned my lesson, but no.

“For 16 yrs of room and board? $113,000.”

I can’t help it, I swear. I hear a straight line and I must follow through to the rimshot. Of course, the danger with raising your kids like Roseanne Conner is that you end up with a house full of Darlenes.

Every blessed one of my kids.

I came home from a run yesterday, and asked our son if there had been any phone calls for me.

“Um….someone called about, um…redoing your kitchen…? I didn’t get the name.” Then fell all over himself laughing when I believed for one, brief, glorious minute that my repeated attempts to muscle my way onto the HGTV show, I Hate My Kitchen (because, I really, really do) had finally achieved success.

Rotten kid. He takes after his father, you know.

Pin It on Pinterest

The Rise & Fall of a Momocracy

Hey, it's me again!

Have you joined the mailing list and gotten your free audio preview of my new book?

What are you waiting for?

Thank you! Please check your email now to confirm your subscription and get your free download.