I absolutely have to share with you my new favorite website. I have wasted literally hours looking at this thing. ( I of course have no idea about proper website sharing etiquette, my apologies if I’ve mucked it up.) I FORBID you to go one more minute without checking out www.advancedstyle.blogspot.com.

Advanced Style celebrates the fashionable elder set, and as anyone knows I am a firm believer in growing old gracefully in theory. It’s getting old in real life that has me stymied. But maybe not so much now. Just take a gander at this picture from the site;

Or this:

or this:

and tell me that you don’t feel a whole lot better about the looming twilight years.

I troll this site every night, I swear to God, and feel like I’ve picked up some sure-fire truths about how to proceed along this fine journey we call life…at least as it relates to fashion.

1) Move to New York City.
Apparently the citizens of that fair town are tolerant if not downright encouraging of the sort of fashion choices that would have midwestern families discussing things like “power of attorney” and “involuntary commitment.” There’s an extensive interview on the site of an elderly lady who makes the most lush fake eyelashes from clippings of her actual hair!!! See? In New York City that is awesome and admirable– in Minnesota it’s the sort of thing that lands you in a home.

2) Get a hat and quick!!!
I don’t know when it happened, but I stopped wearing hats. Back in the day I wore them all the time–army caps, fedoras, fake fur numbers in both green and purple, a snazzy big-brimmed blue number that my daughters now wear for tea parties…sure it was the nineties and all, but they looked good! And there is really nothing quite like a signature chapeau to really put an exclamation point on your fashion statement. Plus you can pin things to them; like oversized flowers, or antique pins. Oooooo…remember those crocheted budweiser can hats? What? That was just me?

3) Lipstick, lipstick, lipstick.
Done and done. Foundation? I can’t be bothered. Mascara? Sure, most days. But if you see me sans lipstick you know that something has gone horribly wrong and I am more than likely in a sad, angry or fragile state. You should probably, in such an instance, just go ahead and buy me a present. Or a good, stiff drink.

4) Do not be constrained by the current era.
2010 is soooo last millennium. And by that I mean devoid of great fashion. What exactly can the senior set hope to gleam from this season? Skinny jeans? Lady Gaga’s big, transparent bubble number? Oh, HELLS no! A thousand times no! At advance style (dot blogspot dot com…) you can revel in pics of dapper gentlemen of a certain age decked out in fedoras and double breasted suits, dowager types dressed for the Kentucky derby circa 1910 or channeling Coco BEFORE Chanel. Pick your favorite era and mine the heck out of it. DIBS ON THE EIGHTIES. Ha, ha. Oh, you’re just mad you didn’t call it first. I’m going back to multiple tank tops, vintage sweaters and bracelets up to my elbows. Not to mention those comfy, baggy jeans with the waistline up around your armpits. Sure I’d look like an idiot NOW, but wait until I’m 80. I’ll be rockin’ the cuffed jean. Acid wash. Duuuuude.

5) Color is your friend.
Oh, this one makes me happy. Nothing about getting older, not my veiny, Madonna-esque hands, not the chin hair, not the droopy knee skin, has been as alarming as the fact that I am slowly, but surely, becoming monochromatic. Clearly I was worried for nothing! I am merely becoming the perfect canvas for an explosion of color. Witness:

Yes. To the tip of that big, red rose, YES.

For some reason my dear hubby is not as enthused as I am about my future fashion plans. (His retirement accessories of choice being a Twins baseball cap and a fishing boat.) To him I can offer only a hearty “Phbbbbbt.”

So, hats off to Advanced Style for showing me the way. I’m not getting old…. I’m going to get FABULOUS!

The Rise & Fall of a Momocracy

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